Is It A Xhosa Thing?

There is a certain belief among Xhosa people, that has become ingrained in all of us in the culture, that one Xhosa man (generally speaking) does not like the next one to progress and become successful. I have grown up with that belief but never fully understood it until i started working and my world opening up.

The company that i am working with and for has been good to me the past 8 years. They have given me many opportunities in life and i have been able to accomplish much in my few years, compared to the friends i have. That has been bitter-sweet for me. I have had many opportunities where i felt so bad for being able to afford a house and car. I have been made to feel bad for being able to have good friends that helped make my travels possible. The ill feelings have never died down, but increased with each year. According to the rumour mill, i can't tell you how many times i have been told i have AIDS, sell drugs, have out-of-wedlock children, been seen drunk etc. It used to hurt me so badly when i would hear these things.

I wish i could say that as i write this entry, that the noise had died down. It has not. The one element that cuts deep is that some of the noise comes from those i had considered my close friends. Looking at it now, they were friends when the scales were such that they were doing better than i. Now that the roles have turned, the friendships have all but died out.

This has led me to evaluate my associations with a lot of people. Now i try and be around those who build me and add positive elements in my life. I am realizing more that being selfish at times is not a bad thing. I follow the dictates of my conscience more. I am happy and content with my life. That helps a lot. It has helped not to allow myself to be validated by external people, but by the peace of conscience i enjoy. Is it the best thing to do? I don't know. It works for me right now.